Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Growth of Genius, Gain from Pain

Intelligence is like a tree
reaching for that bright mystery
which overhead it often hangs
and causes plant life such great pangs
that it will use its every inch
to this life source itself will winch
but if a shadow pales one side
and darkness one place always hides
the plant, instead of balanced growth
will furl itself (with greenish oath)
and reach, unbalanced, to the light,
and strain with such one-sided might,
that neighbor plants (though of same make)
will marvel at its upward take
and though behind their palmy fronds
they whisper that it "don't belong"
and oft predict such horrid ends
because their neighbor sideways bends
but it is not the first ones fault
and thus a genius skyward vaults.
Well rounded plants in decades hence
will marvel at the competence
of single minded genius greens
and of its progress they will glean,
while eying that poor sideways plant
that in their neighborhood grows slant.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

My b-day

Today I would like to thank all the people who made this day extra special and made me feel really loved on my birthday


Josh, Dad, Grandma, Mom, Jessica, Visalia Mom, Visalia Dad, Adam, Mike, Alicia, Lauren, Katie, Jeri, Kumiko, Kathleen, Ambre, Andrea, Jenn, Cindy, Ramon, Bonnie, Sarah, Donna, Brian, Stephanie, Rebecca, Joy, Carlos, Gloria, Rebecca, Rick, Fish, Auntie Gracie, Ba-chan, Joel, Chris, Bill, all my basketball girls, Keiko, Monica, Matt, Bob, Dee.

Special props go out to Grandma for the chocolate, Dad for the lunch, Josh for getting up "early" to come to lunch with me, Rick and Gloria for the awesome dinner, Gloria and Rebecca for the work out, my boss for sending me a card, Monica for texting me, Mom for texting me in CAPS (and pushing me out 27 years ago), umm, and I think that's it.

You all really did make me feel so amazingly special and I loved hearing from all of you! Thank you!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Toast to my Brother on his Wedding Day

You were the reason that God first spoke to me. You were the first person that I ever had to wait so long to see. You were a much expected and longed for person. In the selfishness of my childhood, you are the first person that I ever looked after besides myself.

The first time I held you, you with your red face and shock of dark hair, my heart grew. Jessica and I spent hours when you were a baby, trying to make you smile, trying to make you laugh. You were the Sun of our galaxy, our pride and joy. We looked out for you and up to you like we had no other. Your attention was the greatest prize in our young lives. You made Mom smile almost as much as Dad.

When you became able to talk and understand, you turned to the Lord and your first act was to lead others to him. It was your youthful example and words that I have used to lead others to him.

The hours that we spent playing together - imagining ourselves to be great people, good people, brave people, heroic people, inventive people - those hours made a hunger grow in me to actually become someone great, good, brave, heroic, and inventive.

When you started school I worried over your grades more than mine. I hoped that you would have good friends more than I worried that I didn't. Every step that you took after me made me hold my breath because I knew how hard that step was because I'd just taken it myself. Even things like learning to swallow your vitamins whole concerned me.

Nothing made me angrier, not even Jessica (although I fought with her more often), than lacks of character on your part. When I was a child I saw you as part of me, and when you didn't measure up, those rare times, I was furious with you. I think that dad and I had that in common when it came to you. You bore our projections as a child, and I think that made your way more difficult at times. But here you are.

In high school, you started to become, not just my echo, but your own self. Picking and choosing things that were different from me and new to me. You were the first Barber kid who wasn't a nerd in high school - or was at least a cool one. I marveled at your social ability. ;D

When I helped you move out of Mom and Dad's, going through your room was a pleasure. The things that you've collected through the years - your "junk" - were bits and pieces of life. Things that you've lived. Songs that you've sung. Drawings and poems and weapons that you've made. I loved seeing so many parts of you. The younger parts that I knew so well, and the older parts that I was pleased to see you came up with all on your own.

You were the reason that I resisted temptation in a lot of things. You were the reason, (well, you and Dad) - in my vilest temper with men - that I knew not all men were evil. Your patience and thoughtfulness through the years have taught me in ways that I never taught you. Even though you're younger, I look up to you in a lot of things. And here you are, on the first step of adulthood, with a good woman who you've found to marry.

No more drooling kisses and toothless grin. No more two-year-old curls. No more monsters, bad guys, or wars to fight in the back yard. But still plenty of silliness at the dinner table. More than enough competitive choke each other out fights. Absolute bounties of songs sung horribly off-key on purpose. Tons of raised eyebrow looks. Depths of thoughtfulness, patience, and just a touch of fool-hardiness. You are a man, but all that you were goldenly echoes through your personality.

I'm proud of you. I love you deeply. And I can't wait to celebrate this day with you!

Here's to you! Cheers!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

so messed up

I just got back from an amazingly fun and relaxing backpacking trip with my dad. Well, relaxing aside from hearing the bobcats yowl at each other throughout the night. It was beautiful and smelled amazing!

I literally had just finished buying a graduation present for one of my girls when I got a call from her saying that she'd been sexually assaulted and wasn't going to be able to meet with me tonight because she was at the police station giving a report on what had happened to her. I am so sad for her right now. Here she is, just graduated, in what should be one of the happiest times of her life, and this happens to her - is forced on her. I hate evil. I can't wait for God to come and make all this sickness of spirit and mind finally go away. May the end come soon and may God have mercy on us all.

So now I am grieving for my poor little girl, being here for her, praying for her, wondering how I can possibly help her. She keeps crying and is so distressed that she's throwing up a lot. Lord see this. Lord be with her. Lord hear her. Help your children.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

New Little Brothers

I just got two new little brothers in Christ (as did some of you). Some of you and myself are now spiritually related to Jonathan and Jacob. It was really neat! I got to lead them in their first prayer and answer all their questions and then pray for them some more. I love my study hall! Best class ever!

Please pray for them now as they are starting out on their journey with Jesus. Pray for strength, for discernment of God's voice, and that they would really clearly feel God's love and support and continue on with him. Pray that they would long to follow God more than they would want to sin. Pray that God makes these ones stick and keeps them forever.

One of them (Jonathan) really feels like he's supposed to talk to his parents about God now. So pray for him as he continues to spread the Gospel. Pray especially for him when he talks to his Dad, because he said that God really wants him to talk to his Dad, and he's nervous about it.

Yay! The kingdom increases!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Two Blackbelts

Yes, my husband is now the proud owner of not just a black belt in Karate, but also one in jujitsu. After only one more semester of training than me he has his black belt and I (very rightfully) am still only in possession of a white one. It's really fun to have a husband who is smarter at some things than I am! I love seeing him succeed. To misquote Jane Austen, "I knew that he could not be so beautiful for nothing!"

Friday, May 08, 2009

Spiritual Discipline: Humility

I just started the unit that I'm incorporating Spiritual Disciplines to in my Childhood Development class. I was talking about the Spiritual Discipline of Gratitude, but I experienced humility - I ended up crying when I was talking about how God used the breast-cancer scare in my life. Really odd - I used to would have been embarrassed about crying in public, but it was right... it was the right response and it was honest and earnest and I think that God used my crying and truthfulness to speak to the kids. I cried when I talked about how I realized, in the middle of being scared that I had cancer, that God was using me in the waiting room and that he was allowing me to be there and go through this because he loved _those_ women too - not just me, and how great God was for not loving just me, but loving all of us. I'm really looking forward to introducing these kids to the different disciplines, and looking forward to doing them more myself. It's a really neat time!

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