Observations

There has been a slow but steady change in my life, especially dating back these past few months. My house is cleaner. Not because I was angry and taking it out on the bathroom tiles (which used to be the only way I would clean), but it is cleaner because little bit by little bit, unspeakingly, Josh and I have been working together to clean it and keep it more neatly. I don't know what has inspired this change in him, but I know why I have changed. I finally feel like this is my home and my life, my real life, is with him. I am finally more content being married to him than I was when I lived in my parent's house. And so I actually care. I can honestly say that despite work and taxes, these last few months have been the happiest of my life. And why? Because of those very few, always too few, moments that I wake up and find that he is next to me in bed, holding me, talking about his day. I am happy because I wake up a few hours later, and no matter which way I turn, he turns with me, wanting to be close to me. I am happy because I am loved.

Maybe the first few years of our marriage were so horrible because we were such horrible people, because we were young, because he was bored and I was scared, because he and I always have to make things hard. Except now we don't. Now we are easy.

He finally learned to trust me in the academy. And I think that in learning to forgive, and in being trusted, I am also finally learning to trust in return. I am content. Not because he is handsome and I am beautiful, but we are beautiful because of our contentedness. I can turn to him and him to me.

So as I write this from my desk, a desk which hasn't been able to be used since before my student teaching a year and a half ago because it was so messy. I like the order that our relationship is bringing to the rest of our lives. I think that the fruit of our hearts really does show in the physical world. What we sow, we reap, and have to live with. Not that there aren't still weeds, but I have never looked forward to the evening so much as now. And on Monday, when my allergies were so bad that I stayed home from school, I rejoiced because that meant I got to see him for a whole day (for the first time since Easter). It was a wonderful day. I've never been so happy, sick or well, as I am when I am with him.

Why I love my Science class

Me: What were the first words spoken by a man walking on the moon?
Student T: Up yours Russia!

Other Teacher: Is it true that you compared sex to pooping in your Science class?
Me: Sigh.

Student M: You might as well say that a cat and a alligator flew together and made the moon as say that two almost planets hit each other and one spun off and made our moon. I mean, how can they even imagine that happened?
Student T: What's that got to do with a cat and an alligator?
Student MM: There was an alligator?

Me: What is the study of the stars called?
Student H: Astrology.

Boxes, Perception, Entrapment, and Freedom?

Dear Friends,

Have you even had an itch that you just can't quite reach to scratch? And you know that if you could just do ... something ... it would stop itching?

I have a theory that we as humans are (relatively) stupid as a whole. Every once in a while someone great and smart comes along and tries to explain big important things to us and they use very small words because they really want us to get it. As I read the works of really smart people, my (relatively) stupid brain has started itching and I know that if I could just do ... something ... it would stop because I am so sure that these separate events are all related. Maybe it's because they all use similar metaphors? ...?

Science:
Einstein: I have fallen in love with this man over the last four months (I hope that Josh doesn't mind too much). His theory of relativity is enthralling to my itchy brain.
My Focus: If I am in a box, moving at a constant velocity (speed and direction), from inside the box I could not prove if I am moving or standing still. I would have to be told by someone outside the box whether or not I am (relatively) in motion or standing still.

Philosophy:
Plato: A little too Greek for me to fall so very in love with, but also with an interesting thought.
My Focus: General populace tied down in a cave, not able to see the outside world (sound familiar?). Slightly different twist ... they can see shadows on the wall in front of them created by the outside world. Back to the old story ... they need someone from the outside to tell them what is actually going on.

Godosophy (because I hate the term religion):
Jesus: A man I am certainly in love with, although I hesitate to call my experience for him love because I'm so bad at it.
My Focus: He comes and tells us that we are all enslaved, trapped, and basically boxed up, but that he has an outside perspective on stuff and can really tell us what is going on, but since we have never seen the outside world our understanding of it won't be very thorough until we actually exit the box (for now we only see dimly ...)

Questions for the night, although they don't seem related very well to the above, I swear that they are somehow; my itchy brain says so:

1. If you were to stop all motion, I mean really stop not just stop relatively so such-and-such a thing, what would happen? Would your physical self cease to exist?
2. If you moved faster than the speed of light, would you be omnipresent? Or finally be completely stopped and void of all motion?
3. If you unify the Bible and science, and matter is really energy that is somehow frozen (E=MC squared), and super string theory really is correct and everything we perceive is really just made up of vibrating strings of ... something, and just as we can still hear the echoes of the big bang in the static of our radios, maybe we are after all just physical echoes of God's (would there be an audible voice when he said "let it be" if he hadn't yet created matter to carry the sound?) voice which was so full of energy that it vibrated the nothingness into being filled with energy which froze and turned into rapidly expanding matter and then fused the hydrogen atoms together in the first stars which spewed out the carbon that our very biology is made of?

I have more questions, but they aren't thought out enough to be formed into words.