As of tomorrow

it will be one month until my 24th birthday. Out of consideration for those of you who always ask me a week before my birthday what I want (and then I can never think of anything) here are some things that I would like. If you do not normally get me a present, or were not planning on giving me anything before you read this post, please don't get me anything. Your friendship is really far more important to me!

1. Math books, the kinds with problems in them to work out. Especially a study guide for the Math CSET, but I really like geometry and alegebra problems. I need to brush up on them and I really enjoy sitting down and doing them. It's sort of like a good cross word puzzle.
2. Sci-fi movies or tv seasons. My house has action, fantasy and romance, but no sci-fi. It is sad.
3. a nice red-leather purse. I don't have one.
4. a violin. I have always wanted a violin.
5. dark chocolate. the darker the better. It makes me happy.
6. good tea. there is always more room in my life for good tea.
7. a watch. maybe. a violin would be a better present.
8. nice work pants. The cool wool kind with the inner lining of a different material. Ones that make me look skinny.
9. good sunscreen. I have good stuff for my face, but my arms are forever getting burned and I can't quite figure out why my sunscreen isn't working.
10. fun work out dvds. I love pilates and aerobics.
11. Nice BIG tea mugs. Bone china is best.
12. books on how to teach someone a second language.

And honestly, what I could really use (for those of you who know me) besides prayers, are ideas for good dates with Josh. (and it's ok to talk about it here because I know that he doesn't read my blog). And ideas for nice little things to do for him. I'm afraid that I didn't pay good enough attention to how my parents did these things so I'm not very good at it, but I would like to do little things here and there to make him feel loved. So, if you have any ideas those would make a great great wonderful splendid gift for me!

Anyways, this is probably not the most interesting post, but there you have it. I'm tired and coming down off my semester with less than grace. At least I'm not sick. It's just odd. It feels like I should get to stop now that school is done, but I can't. My teaching job lasts another week and I am still working at ISF. No vacation for me until July. I don't know if I will make it that long.

holy saints, pray for me in this my hour of need ...

Although I don't think that we should be talking to dead people, asking them to pray for us, I do believe in talking to alive people, which you are. So, if you think of it, please pray for lots of things for me

1. I have had difficulties with one of my classes this semester. It turns out that I don't learn well when I'm not taught. I think that it will work out ok, but we shall see. I have done what I could.
2. Praise - Rosemead ok'd my research topic, so now I have permission to do the research for my thesis that I have already done. Yay!
3. Angst - you may not have noticed, but i feel very full of emotions right now, and I know a lot of people going through hard stuff. If you could join me in praying for them that would be really great.
4. Praise - my cool little bro did a GREAT job this semester! Way to go Josh! I am so proud of him!
5. Summer schedule switch - this means that my jobs are changing, my daily life is changing, and now I really have to write that thesis. (I actually arranged to work several days a week from 8-10 am, just so that I will be on campus with most of the day to free up for research and writing. This way I don't have the lame excuse of not wanting to endure the drive to school as a way to get out of researching. Ha! I've got myself pinned against a wall - right where I want me! There's no escaping your thesis _this_ time Laurie-girl! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!)
6. And as always this time of year, there is much to celebrate - numerous wedding anniversaries (including mine. Two years down! Yay!) and lots of family birthdays to celebrate. All of this wears me out (emotionally and financially) at a time of year when I am already down - but it is also such a great blessing to have such wonderful people in my life that I am overjoyed to celebrate them! In a way it is a good closure to the academic year. It's all great and well that I am learning a wealth of knowledge, but all of that dims in comparison to the wealth of people that God has put in my life. In a way, it re-focuses me in a very pleasing way. Not about me, but about Him - and look at the cool things that he has created!

Anyways - all of you are in my prayers, even if I don't necessarily know who you are (because I know that I don't know who some of you readers are). =) May Jesus bless your lives immensely. May you grow in true knowledge of Him and through that, of yourself and those around you. May his presence be in every part of your life and may you experience true joy in all things. May your work be a blessing to you, light and full of joy. Amen.

when I think of k & j

Free fall in love and break my heart,
Wresting life’s matter from my soul.
To not care at all would be smart
But love is still a bright black hole.
Turning in spirals, rippling wind
Blows my heart, blows my mind, blows all
Like bright copper bullets I tend
To explode, then let the brass fall.
Smudges of burnt powder beneath
My eyes tell the truth. My tongue lies.
My heart lies. Wheat tied in a sheaf
Is cut down. The wind moans and cries.
Vacant fields. Grey skies glisten tears.
Love through years, if right, qualms all fears.

what dreams may come ...

I know that is a title of something or other, but I kind of like it - vaguely hopeful sounding, recieving, and willing to see what comes.

There is a wonder to the world, knowing that I am not perfect, but assured in the fact that no one else is either. It's comforting, in a way. I like the saying that goes we are all limited in all abilities except for virture.

I dreamt the other night that I was in a play that I didn't know the lines for, and that I was not able to rehearse beforehand. I ended up on stage, in a gorgeous yellow silk dress with a burgandy short coat, flipping through the script (whose pages were out of order)looking for my lines and stalling while the audience rustled. After leaving the stage I looked back and saw that all the audience's seats were facing out from the stage and wondered at it. I was told that that was for two reasons - because sometimes the audience had to perform in part of the choir for the play and also that the audience needed to work to watch the play so that they would appreciate it more. There was a balance in that, after my on-stage confusion. I was called to perform, but then everyone else is called to perform as well. And while I performed I was not the only one working, the audience was as well. In the other part of my dream, where I was traveling to the theatre to perform, I walked through many neighborhoods that were reported to be dangerous, but I was fine.

In my dream, and in my life more and more, I have realized that people are not to be scared of. They are to be loved, sometimes pitied and sometimes respected. I have been thinking a lot on how people are often so scared of other people. I don't understand that. If I am kind to others, and believe me people will sense if you are genuinely nice or just putting it on, then usually they will be kind to me. This applies to rich snots and to lowly gang-bangers, because I have gotten on well with both. The thing is, they are both human and in that humanity there is still a ragged sense of brotherhood.

I think that people can sense if you are scared of them, and like an animal, if you are scared then they will usually give you something to be scared of. If you are assured in the true hope of the love of God, and walk in his peace, then they will like you and want to be with you and share your peace. The thing is, God will have his way in the end, and if I am not fearful, then I will be freed to listen to him and follow his directions. If I am filled with fear, then I am frozen and unable to honor him with my obedience. If I render myself unable to obey then I am truly worthless, and that is the only thing to be really fearful of.

Just TOO funny, cool, ya know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg&eurl

You need to go there and watch! It is just WAY Too funny!!!

hee hee!

Ahh, my love of dance is just too much to pass by sharing this inspirational clip with you! Seriously, it's a must see. Enjoy!

le sigh

do you remember pepe le peu on Bugs Bunny? He would always say "le" before everything. Right now I really just feel like le sigh. I am just tired.

I got a lot done yesterday. I researched like no tomorrow, I made connections at LMHS so that I could do a homework assignment that has been looming over my head, and I taught, worked, and saw my neice and nephew. today I have taught, worked, worked on hooking my friend up, read some of Pilgrim's Progress, and now I have to go to my thesis class. Hopefully tonight I will also get to go to juijisu.

I am just doing way too much and part of me just feels sad. I want to see my husband and spend time with him. I want to exercise and get back in shape. I want to wake up and feel like I have slept enough. I want to be energetic without being manic.

There is so much beauty out there. So much grace and peace. I can feel it as I go through life. My finger tips brush it as I walk by. I can smell it's fragrance like the touch of a flower petal on my forehead. But it is not mine. Not yet.

The love of Jesus is through all and in all. His grace meets us and sustains us. He leads me beside still waters.

I suppose that if I played in the still waters they wouldn't be still any more, would they?