several titles

So, too much to write out w/different subjects, so this post has several titles

turn 25 and ya go nuts - I turned 25 last week and in my mind that is the "finally really an adult" age and so I feel like I gotta get my shtuff together, plus life events are coming to a head and i gots to deal with them all. but like mom said last night - even if you are a stable person, when your world is rocking you're going to feel off-balance. Winning expression of the day: Emotional Dizziness. Also got cool book from mom - The Dance of Anger - one thing that's cool about my mom? Even though i turned 25 and feel fairly adultish, she doesn't consider her loving done and stop trying to add good to my life.

mothering - a subject that has been freaking me out for some time (really, honestly, since I started having sex and the possibility of motherhood became a possibility, even if very distant), but more in the past months than normal. 'Specially freaked me out last night when I was SO tired and was watching my sis deal with her kids. wow. I could so not do that! Anyways, was driving home last night and started thinking about how much my folks have done for me, put in for me, worried for me, and put up with me. wow. They rock.

ipod update - ever give a kid a present and watch them play with the box instead? I got a ton of super cool presents this last birthday (thanks again guys!) My (shame facedly) favorite? The $25 gift certificate to itunes. Yes, i already spent all of it. giggle! I love music. Ya know how C. S. Lewis (Jacksie boy!) said that he reads to know that he's not alone? Same here, but music is words PLUS more and is just so much more touching me to the coreness. It's awesome. So here are the songs that I got. Ones that I want to sing to others, ones that I want to just sing, and ones that I want sung about me. ;D

Hey There Delilah (this one reminds me of my little bro and how he's gonna be sad when his gf is in Oxford next semester)
Somebody Told Me
Bye Bye (high school memories of winter came and us and our guitar!)
Don't Rock the Jukebox
Que Hago Yo? (one of my fav Spanish songs right now)
Que Hiciste (love the passion in this one!)
La Camisa Negra (awesome hip moving dance music!)
Leave the Pieces
Never Wanted Nothing More (mom, this is what you were talking about last night with the ultimate goals of life and our culture and stuff)
She's Every Woman (romantic sigh!)
Bohemian Rhapsody (gotta have some Queen)
Somebody to Love (gotta have a little more Queen and really need to buy Ella Enchanted)
Are You Gonna Be My Girl
One Step Closer (love it love it love it, good memories of riding with Rob Mann after mountain bike rides)
Time After Time ('nother romantic sigh)
One Week (undergrad at the coffee shop)
Pinch Me (undergrad road trip down to San Diego)
Don't Let Me Get Me (please please please please please!!!!)
He Mele No Lilo (love it, have not the slightest what it means)
Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride (just fun)
Island in the Sun (hip hip)
The Trouble with Love Is (so many nights watching Love Actually with Josh)
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) (great great great song, describes way too much of my life)
Shut Up and Drive (first time I heard it, was on a road trip with the fam, Dad was teasing Mom to her wits end [sigh, true love!] and she turned on the radio to this song. We all cracked up.)

finally wrote it out and slept - Finally. Have been having insomnia for a few weeks now, except the last few days when I was taking Nightquil because of my cold, but last night I didn't take drugs and I couldn't sleep again. So I finally wrote it all out and slept. Two scrambled pages of words, phrases, and arrows that I doubt anyone could really make much sense of, but it got it off my head so that my head could rest well on the pillow. I slept great last night.

last night wuz cool - it's sad really, but I forget how much I miss my family. And for about ten minutes last night I felt like we were finally how we were all supposed to be again. We were laughing and talking like old times, before us kids got married and parented and we stopped having good dinner conversations, and it was good. Sometimes it is good to know that we can still be us, even after all the changes.