One of those nights

do you ever have one of those nights when the world around you seems dim and a rare creative mood is upon you? I do. I feel that if I could just grab this moment and hold on then something grand would happen. Just like when I pray and I feel God start to move, and I wish that he would move a little stronger and be a little more present with me. this is not one of my true creative nights, but one of my wishing for creativity nights. but like all nights, and like all creativity, it cannot be forced. so I will sit and enjoy the almostness of it all. I recognize that this feeling in myself is how i feel when i am worn by too much emotion and need a break. all the same, even as I rationalize, i am romanced by the almost. so close. so very close to some elusive muse who does not wish to be caught, but only wishes to tease.

i think that in Heaven i shall ride a horse. i shall have long hair (that won't make by back too hot and won't get tangled or cover my eyes) and ride over the vast fields.

i saw Heaven once. it was at my bridal shower up in Fresno at Auntie Susie's. It was while they were praying for me, and for a brief second, only it was truly timeless, i saw us how God sees us and how we would be in Heaven. We were princesses all and the tables were decorated with beautiful flowers and linen. we were all beautiful beyond imagination, and yet still us. there were no worry lines or shadows about us, only light. we were all seated around our tables, just as we were in this physical world, only the tables were in a field with tall grasses and sweet flowers. and somewhere, very near, and everywhere, but beyond my mortal sight, there was our Father and he was happy to be at the tea party with his daughters, celebrating the love that he had given. it was a family moment. it was a family eternity. a loving Father and his beautiful daughters who he loved and lavished beauty upon. that is how God was with us there.

we lack so much in this mortal life. we really don't have eyes that see. i wish that i could see things as they really are. i want to see the true people. i want to see what God sees and envisions. what beauty we miss. what sadness sin brings to our world. what evil we have brought upon this place. i want to see it redeemed. I was to see it all restored. I want to see God's beauty.