catch-up and dreams

Maybe not quite as appetizing as ketchup and eggs in the morning, but still, hopefully, interesting.

Yesterday was really really hard because of Josh's getting pepper sprayed and tear gassed. All day sucked because I was worrying about him and wishing that he didn't have to go through something that I knew would be painful for him. He came out ok. Apparently tear gas is nothing but pepper spray is the evilest vile thing on Earth ... just plain nasty ... and he hates it. It was 20 minutes, after getting sprayed, before he could even open his eyes. Water reactivates it, so every time that he sweated yesterday it hurt all over again. His eyes were all puffy last night and his skin looked like someone had slapped him. It really sucked for him and I hated it a lot, in a very selfish way, because I couldn't even kiss him to console him. I think that I'd much rather not know, and not anticipate, when something bad is going to happen to someone I love.

The kids at school are having various interesting reactions to Justin's death. Thank you to all the people who called and emailed me about it (esp. Dad and Grandma). Some of them flat out don't believe that he is dead. Some of them are suicidal. Some of them are happy (it's hard not to slap them). And some dealt with it fairly normally.

I just have to say that I am SO looking forward to this weekend. I get to see all my family (yay!!!! I'm so excited!!!) and I have an extra day on Monday and Josh's "fun run" on Monday got cancelled. I am so so so so so so so very excited!!!

In other news, I got a call from the principal of W. Christian, and he is trying to see if he can put together enough classes for me to come and work there next year. That would be so cool, as all the other teaching jobs in the area that are open are at least an hour's drive away, one way.

I dreamt twice last night, and then woke up a lot thinking about my dreams. They were both interesting, the second more so (to me) than the first because the first was rather obvious in its meaning.

In the first dream I lived at my house here in M-, only it was two stories and a boarding school. The kids that I teach, and my mom, lived with me. One day I went out with my mom (in my dad's Element no less) to go shopping and there were five tornadoes on my street (even though I told the news services that there were only four). I was rather put out at how hard it was to close the car door because of the wind, and muttered about how earthquakes are fine but honestly, tornadoes? My mother drove recklessly around them onto the neighbors lawns, narrowly missing little old ladies and such, and we proceeded to the store. When we got back the tornadoes were gone, although it was still cloudy, and the contents of my house were strewn across the street and the boys that I teach were throwing and ripping everything. I knew that it was not the tornadoes that had caused the damage, but the boys. I got really angry and yelled at them, "Look what you did! I can't even laugh normally any more and make jokes because of you! I can't be happy like I used to because of you! Put my stuff back!" Because of course the stuff that they had thrown around the neighborhood, my furniture, was actually my emotions.

Then I woke up. The second dream was much more interesting to me because I haven't figured out all the symbols yet, and because it was about Josh, and not me.

I was in a town that I am familiar with in my dreams, because it is the dream town where my sister lives, single, in her cool retro-70's apartment complete with shag rug where she does cool things like watch movies on t.v. until midnight while eating popcorn and has a roommate. But I wasn't there for my sister this time. I was there for my husband. So instead of setting off for the apartment (which has stained glass windows by the way), I set off for the junior college. As I went up the steps I saw a class of Navy recruits (representative of the police department) warming up for their 3 mile race, only they were doing a really poor job of it and I walked past them, smug, that I my husband was in the marines (the sheriff's department), and not the much-less-together Navy. I went on in to the J.C. and was surprised to find him in an Art class. He was sculpting. All of the sudden so much about him made sense to me. He's an artist!!! That is why he is moody and temperamental! It made so much sense! So I watched him sculpt for a while. After a while he fell asleep on top of a 3 inch binder full of pictures of his past that I had never seen before. It was labeled on the spine, "Family Pictures, friends, and Sin." I was immensely curious, because it was part of his life that I had never seen before, so I slipped it out from under his sleeping head and began to look at the pictures. By looking at the pictures I realized that he had been married before me and never told me about it. There had been a very pretty little asian girl in his homeschool group who he had fallen madly in love with and when he was 17 1/2, and she was 15, they had run away and gotten married (much to Josh's Father's anger) and, soon after, had a darling little girl. He was so happy with her and so in love that I cried looking at the pictures because soon after their daughter had been born she, and her mother, had died in a car crash. I was horrified that Josh had lost his first true love and I was heart broken for him. I don't know how long I cried (in my dream) over Josh's loss, and I could understand why he would never want to tell me about it because he was so sad to remember his dead wife. I felt really sad for him, but like I knew him a lot better. Then I woke up.

Reality time. Josh never had a first wife (before me), nor a child. And he is not a sculptor, although he is temperamental and prone to odd emotions like an artist. I can't figure out what those symbols mean or are about. Huh.