You know that your husband has been in Sheriff training too long when ...

You look at the cover of "Fun with Dick and Jane" and check to see if Dick's dress shoes are edge dressed. (They aren't, the slob!)

You figure out that nail polish remover actually makes a great edge dressing remover for those spots ya accidentally flicked onto the kitchen floor.

Your husband finally looses enough body fat that he starts complaining that the house is cold before you do.

Your husband doesn't care that you do the things that he was too anal to let you do before ... like change the oil in the car.

You get excited when you find listerine strips on sale at Costco ... bulk!

He comes home finally convinced that his mother-in-law had it right all along.

You get cussed out at work ... and he manages to convince you easily that he had a worse day.

The dry cleaning lady recognizes you instantly.

You watch Cops together as a romantic date.

He turns down pie and eats more veggies.

You watch Cops alone and understand all the code words they use before the Cops explain what they mean.

You get all teary eyed when a Sheriff car follows you on the way to the store because hopefully that will be your husband someday, instead of being paranoid about your driving.

"Together time" means stenciling new p.t. gear with your husband's name.

You secretly write everything in neat printing at work, just to see what all the fuss is about.

Your husband, the infamous night owl, wants to be in bed by 7:30 pm so that he can be asleep by 8:00 pm (umm, I mean 20:00).

You husband drools longingly over the expensive watch that has military time on it, and you encourage him to buy it because he finally wants to buy something that is actually useful!

You have one of those dreams where you wake up with a great idea ... and it's about how to pack your husband's lunch more efficiently so that you can get 2 more minutes of sleep.

When your husband wakes you up with a good-bye kiss in the morning you say things like, "Don't forget your cover!"

You change your sheets the night before inspection, just because it feels like the right thing to do.

where do I start?

Hmm, how about with my boy who I love love love(!)? Sorry, it's a new thing to me to be this in love with someone and it's rather overwhelming ... in a good way. Today was his, "worst day yet" but I suppose that going on 3 1/2 hours of sleep would do that to just about anyone. He did, however, finish off all 54 of his peer evals last night and honestly, that kind of determination and dedication (not to mention not shirking responsibility) is a cool thing to see growing in him (not to mention sexy). Tonight he came home very tired, with 4 R. I. R.'s. He's still working on those R. I. R.'s as I type. From what it sounds like, the worst part of his day was having to call out the jodies (marching beats and chants) for everyone ... because my dear boy has absolutely no idea how to keep a beat and as a result no one could figure out what beat they were supposed to be marching to. To quote him, "it was just stupid." Well, so he'll be a humble man for a while (not that he's been much of anything else lately). =)

My Grandma B. broke her hip yesterday, my Dad's mom. They can't operate on her to fix it either because for some reason (that the doctors have yet to figure out) she has an elevated platelet count in her blood ... so they have to stabilize her before they can operate on her hip. It's not looking so good for her, especially at 85. Breaking a hip is not a good thing. So ... I guess pray that her death is not long and drawn out - that she gets to see her loving Maker soon and that she will finally be able to remember who she is and become who she was meant to be.

My favorite things to do these days are (1) listening to music, oddly enough, especially classical music. It's really beautiful, and intricate, and relaxing as all get-out. I love it. Music with no words, there's something to that. (2) Reading ... especially Greek and Roman myths. It's an area that I was never very educated in so it's almost all fun and new for me. (Except for some reason I keep wondering when Xena is going to come trouncing into the scene ...)

My boys at scbool are really starting to calm down. There were no arrests or fights last week (for the middle schoolers, not the high schoolers, who had both). While Josh had his worst day at work ever, I had my best. All my boys stayed in the classroom all morning (a first - I didn't have to suspend anyone!) and they all did all their work this morning (a definite first). That's two days in a row that they have been amazingly wonderful. I'm so so so so so proud of them and so so so so so happy for them! Tomorrow will be an odd day though, because there is a zoo trip and only one of them earned the privilege of going ... so I'll be with four non-zoo-trip-goers. All day. What do I do? (Besides make them work?)

My I.E.P. (my first ever) went really well. Really really well. I almost convinced the mom to keep her kid in our school ... but she'd cussed out the principal just one too many times for that and decided that she didn't want her boy (an instigator of many fights, although a fairly bright and somewhat promising boy) to be around all the other "bad influences" because, you see, her boy really isn't that bad (even though he randomly punches people at times). I do love her son though, and I'm sad to see him go. I think that this school was actually a really good fit for him and I'm not convinced that her decision to move him is the best one. But, the principal, psychologists, and district specialist were really pleased and impressed with how well I did in the IEP meeting. It's odd; I like to talk about how well I do something, but I don't like to hear about it from other people. So, as I awkwardly stood there as they praised me I reached down inside and did what Monica taught me to do - said thank you. For me, that's growth. I did not deny their reality (which makes it look like I'm asking for more praise when I'm really trying to get them to stop praising me and making me uncomfortable) and tell them that I really did a horrible job (like I wanted to). I said thank you. That's a good grown-up thing to do, right? ::grin!:: But, personally, I do know that I did a decent job of it so I feel pretty good about the whole experience, even if I did feel embarrassed at the end when they were saying how well I did.

My poor Josh boy though, he's really tired and I've done all that I can do for him tonight. That's the hard part- only being able to help him so much. Allowing him to struggle through this on his own is part of what makes it so good for him, but it's really hard not to be able to write his reports for him because (1) he's trained how to do them and I'm not, (2) doing them for him would take away that learning experience from him, (3) it would make him think that I did not think that he could do it, (4) it would be immoral, and (5) he would probably get caught at it ... if he didn't guilt himself into turning himself in. All these reasons not to cheat and more ... so, I'm proud of him, wish I could do more for him, but am content to watch him make his own progress. And he is progressing.

week ... ten?

It's been a while when I start losing count of the weeks. =) Josh did well today though! His scenario went well - he only forgot to ask for the date of birth. He got platoon sergeant - which is not as bad as class sergeant but it's close. And he had his "will to survive" today, which is where they physically wear out all the recruits as best they can and then force them to fight each other to see who has the will to survive. Josh got paired up with a guy who matched him pretty much pound per pound, but had reach on him. He also had years of training in Brazilian Juijitsu, but as it was a standing fight it didn't really matter. Josh said that he was really getting beat up pretty good by this guy ... until Josh got in a "lucky punch" and knocked the guy out cold. That's my boy! I'm so proud of him! Oh, and Josh is now officially in the Junior Class, so hooray! He made it 1/3 of the way through! The baby class is in Camp Snoopy this week. It's good to at least be able to look back and see that we've gotten that far!

School went well for me today. I'm working on breaking up the work a bit more so that the kids don't quite realize how much work I'm making them do ... and so that their brains get a bit of rest in between everything. I've started teaching them grammar as well, and today they began learning how to identify sentence fragments. Fun! =) Also this week I'm hoping to get my application into Azusa Pacific University so that I can get my mild to moderate special ed credential. And after that ... I really need to start thinking a bit more seriously about what I want to get a doctorate in. Either that or I need to learn how to sing, play the piano (and possibly violin), and ballroom dance. Yes, these are my priorities. Good, good, good.

One thing that does amaze me in all this is how well I was taught in the past. Here I am, teaching all these subjects everyday ... and I know them well enough to teach them, even if they weren't my major. I guess that I learned more in public education than I thought. =) love ya'll!

over the hump

That's honestly how I think of the end of a Wednesday. Thursday? I can stand because it's almost Friday. Friday nearly doesn't count as work because it's practically the weekend. If I can make it through Wednesday I can make it through anything. And I made it. So did Josh. yay!

Josh really is going through close to purgation. As he put it today, "We got annihilated!" They have a really dopey class sergeant this week, so they have been getting hard core punishments. I mean really, there are only so many hours that anyone can stand holding up their body weight in "plank position" (the way you get before you go down for a push-up). Plus the TAC Staff are trying to make it extra purgatory-ish for them because the baby class is coming in a week and a half. And what's coming this weekend? A 6k "fun run" for the class on Saturday morning and Bill, Josh's dad. (The second part is the part that we are actually really happy about!) So please do keep praying for Josh and his class. Pray especially that they keep their friendships through this because when you are dead tired and in pain it is easy to get on each other's nerves.

I'm doing well. Today class was really really hard. The high schoolers were going nuts in the morning because they had psychological testing and yesterday they were all searched for drugs. It's like stirring up an ant hill! Even when the stirring is done the ants still run around like crazy. Speaking of crazy, the foot-fetish boy (well, ok, 20 year-old who thinks that I have "big feet" even if I do have "fat ugly legs"), umm, when I finally worked up the courage to ask what was WRONG with that boy, turns out that he is psychotic. Literally. OH, well, that makes a lot of sense then, doesn't it? Suddenly I don't feel so badly about my sexy big feet (and I, along with all the other females in the school, still refuse to take my shoes off for him, much to his chagrin, go figure) and my fat ugly legs.

Speaking of my fat ugly legs, I've managed to convince about half of the annoyingly sexual-comment inclined high school boys that my legs are far to white to be sexy and that they will blind themselves if they look at them. Ok, maybe not a nice thing to do to poor emotionally disturbed children who really aren't all there ... but I would much rather hear, "oh my eyes!" as I walk past in my P. E. clothes and see them avert their eyes dramatically than hear ... other things that would make me have to have them talk to the school administration. Again. And why don't I just wear sweat pants? Well, apparently in sweat pants make my butt looks rather large and unfortunately that is not a bad this with this population.

So, that was a good part of my day. The other (surprisingly) good part was that I finally called Ju's dreaded mother (the one who cusses out the principal at the top of her voice) because his IEP (individualized education program) is coming up for review next week and I get to help write his new one. Frabjuous joy. So I gave her a call. She wasn't there. I was relieved and left a voice message. She called me back ... and was amazingly polite and nice to me. Apparently she likes me because I'm actually trying to teach her son something. (Yesterday the principal had to come in because my students were howling loudly because I was MAKING THEM WOOOORK!!! How dare I. Even the Principal had trouble keeping a straight face calming them down on that one). So she, Ju's mother, likes me (for now). God was so gracious to me with that phone call. I thankfully I could say true things like, "Ju is a smart boy and when he gets down to work he can work really well. Most of them time he is one of my top 3 students." I also said true things like, "Ju really needs to work on calming down and listening to instructions. He needs to learn not to taunt people and that there is a line between joking and getting people mad and he doesn't seem to know where that it." To which his mother replied, "Yup, that sounds like my son." Wow, and I heard that she won't stand for her son to be criticized at all! She even told me to call her any time of the day if she needs to know something about what Ju did! So, please do still pray for this IEP meeting on Tuesday at 2:00 pm.

Well, my husband is ordering me off to bed now. Blessings on you all!

really really quickly

because Josh wants to go to bed at 7:30 because he has to get up at 4 am (what happened to the night owl that I married?). Josh is doing well. He is healthy, well-fed, and even though he had a really hard day, he is of good cheer. He did his R. I. R. tonight and got a lot of good study time in.

Yesterday one of Mr. M's boys thought that it would be a good idea (as I was walking down the hall) to grab me from behind and hump my leg. I grab his wrist, flipped him around so that he was facing me, and snarled, "DO NOT TOUCH ME" very meanly with great emphasis into his big brown eyes. It would have been so easy for me to happily beat him to a pulp, but I let him go, kept walking, and let the administration handle it. Today he got to talk to the school psychologist, counselor, and one of the male teachers about it. Apparently when I snarled at him I really scared him because he's telling everyone that I'm scary. Good.

... but then he's also been humping bookshelves and mooning his class , so I don't feel too badly about it. It honestly reminded me a lot of Pippin (my parent's small dog) trying to hump Sarah (my parent's big dog) and being so woefully short that it just looked rediculous, and then Sarah turning around and snapping at Pippin, hee hee. However, it isn't funny in that this young man needs to learn to treat women MUCH more respectfully than that!

I can't believe that I was so worried about when some of my male students hugged me goodbye at the end of student teaching ... it kind of puts things in an odd perspective.

Anyways, my class was good this morning and bad this afternoon. Now I really should go to bed!

ooh, and the other funny thing? Some of the Aides took one of the paranoid scizoid drug dealing student's phone from him and during the day wrote "don't do drugs" and "we know" on the board and took a picture of it and it's really freaking him out. Maybe it'll freak him out enough so that he'll stop dealing drugs. (one can only hope).

cannons to the left of them

cannons to the right of them volleyed and thundered ...

That was one of my sister's favorite poems when we were kids. Into week nine we go then. These next two weeks will be especially hard on Josh. He expects that he'll get class sergeant or class assistant in the next few weeks (and I wouldn't be surprised ... it's about that time) and for the next two weeks there are only two classes - the old Junior class and his class - and then the new baby class arrives. So until then the TAC officers are bound and determined to whip these sorry excuses for recruits into shape so that they will resemble something that the baby classes might look up and aspire to. It'll be rough for Josh. PT on Mon, Wed, Fri and another big test on Friday. He'll get through ... but he's kind of like those 600 hundred soldiers riding knowingly into the mouth of Hell.

Speaking of the Spiritual - I went to church today. Not to BSC, but to a Calvary Chapel some three blocks from my house. I really can't see driving all the 45 minutes out to Placentia just to go to church at this particular time of my life, and just a few blocks down was actually a comforting thought. You know, student teaching in Downey last Fall really opened up my heart towards this area. It no longer feels like a foreign place that I've been rudely thrown into. I'm kind of starting to own it. I went to church by myself, and it was comforting to be there because a Calvary Chapel apparently is a Calvary Chapel no matter where it is located. It was cool to sit there, worshipping with my neighbors and relizing that there are a lot of good Christian folks in the area. There were over 460 adults there this morning ... and I think about two of them were white. ::grin!:: I didn't bring my Bible, and the kind man next to me handed me his and read off of his wife's during the service. It felt very homey and welcoming. The preacher was really good too.

Well, off to bed. Love to you all!

I'm going to stay

I am going to stay with these kids. Even if they do offer me that job that is in my subject area and pays over twice as much. I think that's what God wants me to do. I've been having a really tumultuous time lately. My uncle Charlie died this week, my mom gave me a letter my Grandpa wrote in 1968, my radiator broke (and got fixed) yesterday ... and as a result I spent yesterday on a retreat with God in a Chinese car mechanic's waiting room, I was reminded that seeds planted actually do bloom years and years later even though they lay seemingly dead for so long, and last night I finally (after 12 years) really started to mourn my Grandpa's death. The upshot of all of this? If you love someones you stay with them, even if it is hard. I hope that they offer me the job, so that I can turn it down and have it be a firstfruits offering to God. I actually am really really sad about my Grandpa not being here. I really miss him. I'm not the heartless monster that I thought I was when I was 12 and only cried once over him (more from the shock of the news than from being sad about his death). So maybe even if what I do now with these kids seems to have no impact on them at all ... I know that years and years later God might finally decide to water the sacrifice of love that was made for them and assure them of HIS love for them. And even if they never realize the love that was poured out for them by God through me? God knows, and he is still glorified by my actions.

Josh's day today

Was not all he dreaded it to be. He was scared of being made class sergeant. That didn't happen and he did not get a lesser position either. He was scared of the learning domain test that he had to take. Everyone passed it. He was scared of the P. T. session that he had to face. They ended up having P. T. tests (for most push-ups, sit-ups, dummy drag, etc) and that actually gave him less time to exercise than normal P. T. does. So he had an ok day. It could have been a lot worse. The worst thing? He is tired and he got 1 R. I. R. today and I polished the wrong set of shoes for him last night. If that is the worst thing in his life then I call him a lucky man. Our goal tonight is to get to bed earlyish.

We love him because he first loved us

I wonder how God felt when he said those words? As a child I always read those words as a fact. That is just how it is. But now that I am grown, I find that I have people who love me only because I loved them first ... and sometimes more ... and sometimes only love me still because I love them still. And for me, their love is bitter and sweet. It is sweet in the moments when I am being loved, and bitter when I remember why I am loved. I am loved because I first loved them. They are affectionate because I first showed affection. Does God look at us bitter sweetly? Does he enjoy those brief moments of love from us and then feel the pain when he remembers that we only love him because he first loved us?

It honestly bothers me that they love me because I first loved them. They ought to have loved me at the same instant. They should have loved me from the get-go and not have waited to see if I would provide them with the service of love. They should have seen me and loved me in the same instant and not have had to be wooed into it. I think that love is blind, because the brief beginning moments of the heart, that translate into years of proper time, when I was loving them all along ... and only now realize that the love, though it is there now, was not there all that time when I thought that it was ... hurts. And if we love God because he first loved us, would we stop loving God if he stopped loving us? Is that part of what pain plays in our lives? I mean, besides forming our character and making us better people?

Take Job, thinking that God did not love him ... did he stop loving God? And how much did God hurt because of it?

If God chooses to let me be cursed with acne for the rest of my life, and have pains from my marriage, and be cursed by the world just to see that my love won't stop just because his love is not physically evident for a mere few earthly years ... I can't blame him for that. I want to know the same thing in my relationships. But then God doesn't test us. He just allows us to be tested. Why would he test us? He already knows all the answers.

But human nature, my heart, wants to test. The only problem is, though, that if I tested, if I stopped loving, just to see if that would stop them from loving me ... and they kept loving me ... then I would feel ashamed for doubting their love. That's the other thing about human nature, just because it seems a certain way does not necessarily make it so.

And so we love him because he first loved us, and maybe, hopefully, that doesn't bother him the way that it bothers me. He is, after all, the bigger man.

tee hee

my honey loves me ... he bought me under armor workout shorts. Also fun on the fashion front today? I got a Limited charcoal grey pin-stripe suit for $40 (when it was originally over $100). So fun! And all because they only had mis-matching sizes left ... and I just happen to be an 8 on the bottom and a 4 on top. Finally something good comes from having a several sized body!

The interview went well. I'm going to go and teach a practice lesson for them on Wednesday so that I can show them my mad teaching skills. gulp. But I think that it will be fun. I'm honestly not worried about this one because I don't _need_ it, so it's really easy to be myself. And frankly, after the kids I've been dealing with these past 2 1/2 weeks, any kids will be easy! I think that I'll wear my new suit ...

Josh is doing well. Tomorrow the Senior class will be graduating from the Academy so Josh and the gang gets to stay late and celebrate the ones before them. And then the next week or so the TAC staff will be extra mean to them to whip them into good examples for the incoming baby class ... and then Josh's class will be promoted to the junior class and there will be much rejoicing. Yes, he really is, day by day, getting that much closer to the goal. It's really funny, but he's selected about 12 songs that he plays over and over and over and over while he writes his R. I. R.'s and they are all calming and motivational. One of them? I Can Go the Distance from the Disney movie Hercules. It's kind of sweet, and cute to see the non-macho ways that he pumps himself up for this (as compared to dry firing and drawing his gun incessantly in the living room and muttering commands, responses, and drills under his breath.)

I just know one day I'm going to have all of the drills memorized just because he mutters them so much. In the mean time I make up vulgar variations of the speeches, "Sir. I have my own sir. It is 6 1/2 inches long. On it I have tatooed the great seal of California which has an eagle with it's wings spread ..." A whole new kind of salute, that. Sorry, but I honestly can't be serious about this business forever. I'm just waiting for the day when Josh comes home with an R. I. R. for farting ... lol! Just the thought of it makes me chuckle!

'K, well that really ought to be all from me tonight. Oh, one more bit of good news - I got a new (hulking over 6 foot, male, black) classroom aid today who actually keeps my boys in line. Whew! So much better!

tomorrow ... week eight

Tomorrow week eight of Josh's training starts. He told me that he's thinking of it as week seven because Camp Snoopy doesn't really count as real training ... but I've been making lunches, shining shoes, cooking dinner, doing ALL the housework, washing his clothes, folding them, running random errands, being patient and non-demanding emotionally, and having my social life disrupted for a little over seven weeks now, so I am counting tomorrow as the start of week eight. I really have become the modest 50's housewife that I never thought I'd be. I spent all this weekend not relaxing, but cleaning the house and getting it ready for the week. Josh says that he is able to relax much more when he comes home to a tidy house, so I really worked my butt off this weekend. I cleaned a LOT and did both his and my laundry and all the linens. Ach. But, it still was easier than facing these kids that I'm going to have to face tomorrow. In some ways I'm really glad that I got this subbing job because these are the types of people that Josh will face daily when he works in the jails, so I hopefully will have empathy and understanding for him when he goes through that trail in another 4 months.

The one break I did get was when Josh, some of the awesome cool recruits, and I went out to the Block in Orange and had dinner then watched the movie 300 on Saturday night. It was cool because I guess one of their TAC officers had told them the story about these 300 Spartan warriors who held off the hoards and said that as Sheriffs they were to be like these Spartans. So this weekend they all celebrated their destiny by seeing the movie together. As teacher it is one of the finest things on earth to see your students take up their studies on their own and pursue your lessons on their own time. I know that their TAC Sergeant may never know that they took his words to heart, but I know that he is a good teacher because of how his students responded. The movie was good, even if there were a lot of nipples, both male and female, displayed through out. It was cool too, to see these guys identify with what they want to become and seek after a heroic role model.

Well, I must go to bed because I have to finish lesson planning tomorrow morning and get ready for my interview before school. I love you all, and I hope that you had a great weekend!

?

I often am drawn to ancient history. I love history in general, but the ancient type is the stuff that I really love. I love that we don't quite know how things were done, or why great things were built, and that the only sense of them that we can make is that if we divide the length of their walls together that we get pi, or if we chart them against the heavens that we will find a better calendar than the one that we have today, or if we look at an object closely enough we realize that our civilization has only had the ability to make such a thing since the invention of lazar technology ... or not at all ... and we wonder why and how the ancients did such a thing. Plotting myself and my fellows on a map of time is calming to me. The enduring forgetfulness and rediscovery of the ages is like the folds of a linen blanket - each different but nearly a twin to the next one. Solomon was right that there is nothing new under the Sun.

And so I spent my morning and afternoon cleaning my house. Dusting things that will get dusty again. Polishing wood with the knowledge that it will soon be smudged. And yet there is a joy to be had in the repetition anyways, because for a moment the wood is filled with a deep cherry gloss that is a glory to see, and the dust that rises from the tops of things makes a beautiful pattern in the air as it slowly lowers itself back down through the sun beams.

I got my first check today. My first check for the work I have done in over six months. I calculated that it is 1/80 of what I have to earn to pay back my debt. Is the knowledge that I gained in my studies worth it? No, it is not. I could have gained the knowledge in much cheaper ways, but I would not have been able to get a degree for it. It is only the symbol that costs so much. Not the knowledge.

I drove to the wrong destination yesterday, so I missed my interview and rescheduled it for Monday at 3:15, soliciting the correct (I hope!) directions for my next try from the receptionist on the end of the line. But I did find a destination none-the-less, and I drove the streets of downtown L.A. instead. It was exciting just to be there and I marveled at the tallness of the buildings and how the sun glowed on their sides. I peered up through my car windows, straining to see their tops. I wondered what brave and foolish man climbed so high up to create such a thing. Did he think his life was worth the possibility of the creation? And what math could measure the weight the building would have once it was complete? Or how to make such a building sway when the earth shakes below it so that it won't fall? When so many different materials are brought together to form a building, how is it that their essences combine to make it a whole? It's just like our bodies really. And was the purpose of that matter to be made into a building? Or has man misused it?

There was a fight in my class yesterday between Ju and Is. Ju started it for no good reason, and even accidentally hit another boy (giving him a split lip) in the process. But he only makes excuses for himself. That's all these boys really do. They excuse their behavior because they were mad, or they did not mean it, or they were just kidding, or they were hungry, or, or, or, or, or and I wonder how many of us do the exact same thing only we hide it better. Do their excuses sound as lame in their ears as they sound in mine? Is that why these boys do not respect themselves? Because they refuse to own up to their actions? In some ways it is odd to see them so angry because I can remember getting that angry too when I was around their age. I had a horrible temper and it was only when I asked God to take it away from me that I was free of it. I look at these boys and they are in chains, shackled and bound, because of their sins. They don't see anyone coming to rescue them, so they pretend that they are not chained at all because to admit the horror of their bondage would be psychologically overwhelming to them.

And yet people like them have existed for centuries and their struggles in some ways are only echoes of centuries past. I wonder if in ancient times good and evil were easier to see? And if we have only grown too degenerate in recognizing truth through the ages? Like when one eats too much salt and everything else, even the freshest fruit, tastes dull. How long can we lie to ourselves? And what happens when we stop?

Will the scars of our sins leave us horrible to look at forever?And healing alone is so slow in this life and so often incomplete.

the best day EVER!

Well, not counting one of my boys in in-house suspension, another taken away by the cops in the early morning for assaulting two staff members (fairly sure that he was high), and another traded out with Mr. M for a tamer version ... but I had a ROCK'N awesome day! Yesterday we finally got a nearly full complement of textbooks so I actually had "official" type things to do with them and it was great! Also great? My principal's idea of helping along my ADHD kid's medication along was wonderful ...

I love Redbull. God bless the people who made it! And the kids think that it's a reward for good behavior, I know it to have a calming influence on them ... and we worked the whole day with only a 20 minute break. It was beautiful. They completed autobiographies, typed them up, drew pictures, read textbooks, answered the questions, didn't fight, did fairly difficult math, learned about different kinds of tissue, debated anthropology vs. archeaology, SANG ALONG to ALL the verses of the Battle Hymn of the Republic (ok, so Ju encouraged the singing a little around the fourth verse with a meaningfully bunched fist shaken in the air at Is who had stopped singing ... and began singing again promptly) then sang the first verse to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again. The favorite line? "And we'll all be GAY when Johnny comes marching home!" Followed up by everyone's favorite - latin pictionary! And then all three of them walked with me for the whole time out at P.E.! And they were sweet, normal, rambunctious little 11 year-old boys. I loved them!!! (and Redbull).

It was beautiful. So the reason that they normally get rowdy, grumpy and violent in the afternoon? Their morning drug cocktails wear off (legal or otherwise). It was beautiful. Next week I'm thinking chocolate covered expresso beans - a cheaper version of Redbull minus the vitamin B.

Josh is doing well too. He got no new billets this week (positions). He passed both of his tests today, so no more code book around his neck. He is keeping up on the runs and generally being a great guy about everything. I love him!

Something to pray about tomorrow? At 3:00pm I have a job interview for a Spanish High School teaching position ... it's at a charter school, so I don't know if I want it, but I might as well interview and see what I get, right?

love ya'll!

Tuesday tuesday?

Why are there no songs about Tuesdays? Teaching went well today, during the day. The last 5 minutes of class two of my boys, Co and Th, lost it though. They misbehaved at lunch and as a punishment the principal held them in from P.E. so they got no points for P.E. today, which meant that the daily progress reports sent home to their parents were rated at the lowest level, level 1. They were aiming for level 3's. If they got enough level 3's they were going to get to go on a field trip to the zoo. As as result, these two boys were very upset about getting level 1's, and instead of taking their sheets from the principal, they proceeded to trash my classroom. First they randomly threw all the desks and tables around the room, then they threw them all to the middle of the room, then they stacked them up 3 desks high. They also kicked the trashcans around the room, hurling garbage around. They threw the books around, stepping and sliding across the room on them. Well, they did damage a good bit of property. So they got arrested. They'll be suspended the rest of the week.

In P.E. today we got a lot more of the kids to participate, which was pretty cool. For about twenty minutes I ended up walking around with an ex gang-banger who told me all about the first time he shot someone, his jail time, and how he snuck weed in past the jail guards. (He snuck it in his shoes and in the space between the two layers of fabric in his pants.) He also talked about how he got a lot of respect when he was in his gang, and how if he goes back he'll get beat up really badly for quitting it. I also pointed out to him how he can get a lot of respect for doing what he was doing right then as we walked around - what he was supposed to - and how he doesn't have to be in a gang for people to respect him. It was kind of a cool time and I felt like we bonded a little.

I'm kind of excited because tomorrow I have a meeting with the district textbook coordinator so that I can walk her through my classroom and as a result, hopefully, soon I'll have textbooks for all my kids in all the subjects that I'm supposed to. I honestly don't know how the long-term sub before me got through over half the school year without having the textbooks! I guess he really did only make the kids do four worksheets a day because there certainly aren't enough books for all the subjects. (I'm sharing a set of books with the teacher across the hall right now, so we have to walk back and forth across the hallway multiple times a day switching books out).

oofta

Monday monday, la da la la da la, come on! sing with me! And a Monday it was too. I really feel like I'm more getting a hang of these kids. I can't claim that the class is getting any better, but I'm lesson planning better for them and getting on better with them. Their last teacher only made them do three hand outs a day, so I am slowly weaning them off the concept of "free time." Today, for example, I only gave them 20 minutes of free time. And those minutes were only to the kids who had already finished their work.

The mornings generally go a lot better than the afternoons. Dr. M. (the psychologist) says that that is because 2 of my kids are high in the mornings and they always crash down in the afternoons and that is when they turn into hellions. And honestly, I think that she is right. The administration is trying to figure out a (legal) way to get these kids drug tested right now because we have a high number of users right now.

Wanna hear something fun though? Today I started teaching them how to write an autobiography and they totally knew what it was because I've been teaching them the latin roots. That was so cool for me to see! (I'm telling you, it's all about latin word pictionary!)
auto = self
bio = life
graph = write
"Oh, so we are writing ourselves about our life Mrs. Y!" Yup, they may be stoned and emotionally disturbed, but they are not dumb. I'm actually really proud of some of the progress that they have made academically in the past few weeks. I keep telling them that they aren't dumb, and I think that they are starting to believe me. Because honestly, they aren't dumb. They have issues, but dumb is not one of them.

Josh is doing well. He started off his week seven at the academy today. Two things about Josh that I'm really proud of and then I'll stop boasting.
1. Yesterday Gichan asked Josh for help with his VCR/DVD recorder, and Josh got really excited and happy because Gichan _asked_ him instead of _ordering_ him to help. The thing that I was really excited about? That Josh _noticed_ that Gichan asked! He never would have noticed before! He would have gotten pissed at being bugged by his grandpa either way, but not any more. Yay! He's growing more and more considerate of others! Then he cheerfully went and helped his grandpa. What a guy.
2. Josh is going to a study group tonight to get help on writing his reports for his class. So many things about this behavior from him that excite me! (a) he noticed that he is not perfect in his academics (b) he is open enough to admit that he is not perfect (c) he is humble enough to seek help from his peers because (d) he really honestly cares about learning how to do this stuff correctly. That's just so cool and so not like the old Josh! No way would the old Josh have been vulnerable to his peers about his weaknesses and humble enough to seek correction! He is truly growing!

Funny thing today? You know how most women realize that they are becoming like their mom? I swear that I am growing more and more like my father in disciplining my boys. Ju was acting up today while the principal was trying to address the P.E. class, and I found myself coming down to his level, getting right up in his face, and talking softly and very directly to him while making straight-on eye contact. It was only later that I realized that that is exactly what Dad did to me when I was a kid. I think in a lot of ways I'm going to parent like my Dad ... only I am definitely more sensitive to the kids' emotions like my mom was to mine. So I'm still a mix, but it was just a very "dad" thing that I did not even know I had in me. =)

And I thought that it would get easier

ha. I seriously have to laugh at myself for that one! Nope, it's not easier. On Friday my classroom aid (and normally cheerful hispanic motherly type) got into a verbal fight with my student Co. Ok, yes, given, he was calling her a fucking whore bitch, but he always calls her that. Anyways, for some reason it really got to her yesterday and she fired back with, "well at least I know who my family is." Umm, yeah, not the best words to yell at a bipolar son of a prostitute. Nice. So he just lost it. He threw every desk in the room, kicked all the computer mouses (mice?), tossed the classroom phone, took glue and wrote foul things across her desk with it, and was basically just a big fat nuisance about it all. I finally got him calmed down (after she left the classroom) and let him hold Billy the hermit crab, which is a very very calming activity for him. So my classroom aid refuses to work with him. That means on Monday either Co will be gone from my class or my classroom aid will be gone (and if she goes she means to take my student Is with her, the sweet native Spanish-speaker who is my best student.) I'm not really happy with her right now. I mean honestly, whatever happened to being an adult? And I really don't want my classroom broken up like that. Also, yesterday someone (probably a student) managed to steal my classroom key off my keyring when one of the aids had it, so I have to have my classroom re-keyed. Nice.

But all was not lost, it was still a good day. I got to visit my folks, have a great chat with my mom, go out to dinner with Josh and the other recruits, and buy a new shirt. I LOVE shopping! It really makes me happy (except for the no money part at the end of it).

Today I have been discovering the addictive joys of itunes. I had a $25 itunes gift certificate and spent it all buying mostly country music that I loved when I was in high school, Shakira songs (in Spanish), and my favorite song of all times, "Brown Eyed Girl." I've spent the rest of today down loading all my cds onto my ipod. I have over 4 days of music on it. So fun!

Anyways, Josh, the recruits, and I are going to go hot-tubbing tonight, so I had better go and shave. I love you all!

another reason why it's cool to have a younger bro

because he calls you randomly, asking what hair color he used to dye his hair over a YEAR ago, because he's going to dye his hair with his girlfriend. awww. =D I love ya bro!

Also, because growing up with him taught me how to play well with younger boys. I am determined to teach these boys how to sing, and today we sang "low bridge" and the first verse of "oh say can you see." Co joined in with me on the nat'l anthem, singing loudly off-key, and I just found it so hysterically funny because that is exactly what my younger bro and I used to do for fun. so I started singing loudly and off-key too ... it was incredibly fun! And even though no one could accuse us of sounding good, I was just happy to have him participate and it was so cool to share in a joke with him. Thanks for teaching me how bro!

my poor baby!

Well, I had a great day today, but Josh just called me and is in the midst of a crappy one. Today was supposed to be a great day for him because it's a range day ... but their instructor didn't show up so they had to do P.T. and they popped a communication skills test on them which Josh, and half the class, failed, so they all got RIR's for failing the test too. That means that until the next comm skills test he has to wear their code book around his neck all day. suck. He still has another four hours before his day is done too. I'm going to make him chocolate chip cookies tonight, along with his classmates and my kids. Cookies for everyone - works as a reward and an encouragement. The world would be a better place if we all had more chocolate chip cookies.

Three of my kids today were absolute angels and really made my day bright. Two of them ran amok, but hey, I had the majority learning and it was just the coolest thing to see Co playing latin word pictionary!

can't forget my honey!

because he is honestly the biggest joy in my life right now!

On Tuesday he found out that he is NOT on the F. A. T. squad, being that he is down to 10% body fat (give or take 2%). This is excellant news and means that the Tac officers won't make him write down everything that he eats and force him to do extra exercises on the weekends. On Tuesday he got 1 R.I.R. ... and the whole class got that one. One of the recruits forgot his jacket, so they all decided to not wear their jackets. It was raining. They all ended up having to write an R.I.R. for "no common sense." I thought that it was sweet that they all backed up the recruit like that, even if they don't have common sense.

Yesterday (praise God!) he passed his big test, and he doesn't have another one until next week. Today he doesn't go in until noon and doesn't get out until 9pm because they are going to learn night shooting. So my last night was filled with a lot of my husband practicing his draw at home. It was kinda sexy, and cool to watch because he's got a lot more arm muscle than he used to.

Please do continue to pray for him, for support, strength, learning, and ability. Pray for me too. I don't know if I really am the right person to sub these kids, and I honestly don't want to go in today. I have to figure out how to leave them there at school (in my head) so that when I come home I can relax and be happy and do everything that needs to get done for Josh. If I can't do that then I need to quit because being a good wife is more important than being a sub. I love you guys, and I hope that you have a good day!