Hume on the physical level a - the mud

Hume was great on so many levels. I doubt that I will get to them all tonight, but I will start

1. Physical - Hume is a beautiful place! We stayed in the new lodges, so we were actually warm at night in a comfortable bed. The food was great and there was coffee at every meal.
On the more adventurous side of it, they drained Hume Lake, and so the lake was much much smaller than it normally is. All around the sides of it was 20-40 meters of mushy, decomposing mud. I went for a walk around the lake on Saturday (because I couldn't find Josh and I wanted to walk around the lake at least once while we were up there). I knew that a trail around the lake existed, because I had walked it before about 10 years ago, but I couldn't find it. So I walked through the woods, found that making my own path was fairly hard, and thus I ended up walking on the edge of the mushy mud. Only, it wasn't all mushy. I looked like it was fairly solid, and parts were, but then the top crust of gunk was dried with anywhere from 1 inch to 1 foot of gushy mud underneath - however, when I first started walking on the muddy edge of the lake I did not know this. As I walked I got farther away from the woods and closer to the water (I am naturally drawn to water) and I really started to enjoy walking through this fascinating mud! It sounded, and felt, like, "crunch-gloop, crunch-slop, crunch-goop!"It was a lot like walking on snow where the top layer has a thin bit of ice and the underneath is soft. As I walked I got more and more invigorated by this wonderful slimy goo that I was walking in and I really enjoyed myself.
One thing that I discovered by this draining of the lake is that Hume Lake has not one feeder stream, or even two, but at least eight major feeder streams. So I ran into these streams fairly often. (They had the most fascinating algae in them! I desperately wished for a microscope!!!!! I'm sure that it would have held me captive for hours.) The first stream I slipped and hopped over fairly successfully. The third stream that I encountered, about 1/5 of the way around the lake, was surrounded by unstable mud as far as I could approach it. As long as I walked softly, I could walk on the mud, but if I was at all vigorous my feet quickly sank into the stinking mush. I hovered at the edge of the stream for a good long while, playing back and forth the different options in my mind. I finally settled on the option that I knew I would chose all along - I jumped from a flat-footed position across the stream to land on more unstable mud. I landed on my feet, but my momentum carried me onward. I took a step forward to catch myself, and my foot went and caught me while my shoe stayed back in the deep mud. The mud even made a cool slurping sound as it sucked my shoe off.
There is only one thing to do when you are standing one shoe off and one shoe on in mud, and that is to take the other shoe off. Once I did this and continued my march in the mud the joyous sensation of crunch and smush/goo beneath my feet was even more pronounced. I, Laurel, at the proud age of 23, still enjoy playing in mud and find it completely a wonderful way to spend an afternoon - and so I did. I walked the rest of the way around Hume Lake in the mud, in my stocking feet and I have rarely had so much fun since I was five! It was the sort of thing that I always wanted to do as a kid, but my wise parents would never let me. So now that I am a mature adult, I finally got to fulfill my childhood wish and play in the mud as much as I wanted.
There is a type of joy that I remember from my childhood that goes beyond words - the sort that words just can't capture and frankly, it never occurs to a child to try and put such a feeling in words because it is so enjoyable that it is not even necessary to say. This is the joy that makes a toddler chottle as she tries to catch an ant between finger and thumb. That is the joy that I had marching in my rediculous stocking-clad feet, with head held high and arms swinging, jollyly waving to the other campers (who were smartly walking on the trail) as I processed in all my filthy splendor around the swampy lake. I had a grand time! I would do it again in an instant.

just a thought

I think that I may try and go on a road trip while Josh is in Australia after Christmas. I wonder if I can make it to Canada? I would have December 26 - Jan 1 - a total of 7 days. 3 1/2 days out and 3 1/2 days back. About $125 a day for gas, lodging, and food. Plus I would need to get 2 new tires, snow chains, change my oil, and get a tune-up on my car before I go. I probably wouldn't be able to afford it, but I'm getting that longing to just go.

It's not a new longing - most nights when I drive home on the 5 I get this urge to not get off at my off-ramp, but just keep going and going and going. If it weren't for Josh waiting at home for me then I would keep going. But Josh won't be here for a week, so there is no reason for me to stay and I haven't been out of State for a few years now and it's really starting to wear me thin. I need a reminder that there is more to this world than squalid southern california. I want perspective, reassurance, and frankly, I would love to just have my own company on a week long adventure.

I'll have to really think about this one. Oh, and I'll need to buy pepper spray, the military grade if I can.

Off we go

into the wild mountainous yonder that I love so dearly! I can hardly wait to drive up to Hume. I love the foothills with their gorgeous oak trees that stand so proudly and dot the hillsides! I love the shift in the air as the altitude starts to climb and the trees start to take over. I still fantasize about living in the mountains far away from a road or a town. I love the thought of just being in the wild. Some of my favorite hours have been spent just staring at the roots of a tree or watching a stream slowly move down a mountian. There is nothing so delightful as the shockingly cold mountain waters!

I have had a really mixed day today, emotionally speaking. I started out the day by turning in my application to teach Spanish part time next semester at Whittier Christian. It was the oddest thing because I didn't think that I was going to care about it so much, but I really do! Either they will turn me down and I will face rejection - or they will put me in charge of a classroom! Oh My Gosh! Do you know how scary that is?????!!!! On the one hand I think that it will be really great because I absolutely adore teaching Spanish in a one on one context and I find so much joy in giving language to others! On the other hand - what if I have a monster class from Hell and I'm stuck seeing their faces every morning for four months?! It's just scary either way . . . so please pray for God's will. Thanks!

After that I went to ISF work today and realized that, when I left today, I really didn't want to leave. There was still a lot of things that I could do - and I actually really wanted to stay there and do them. Not for money or reward of any kind, but just because I actually like doing my job and I sincerely wanted to do it. That was another odd realization - I actually like my work. I always knew that I like the people at my work, but I actually like and get a kick out of my job! Wow.

And then I saw Jeff and Deb tonight. They are moving on Wednesday up to Visalia. When Deb and I were talking about it last Spring it seemed so far away - so distant, like a fairytale land and I looked at the possibility of them moving and said, "Oh. That will be ok. They won't be that far. We'll keep in touch." But now they are actually moving in less than a week and I'm really sad. I won't be able to randomly stop by their house after work, just to get a hug and maybe work out together. They are actually moving 3 1/2 hours away. What will I do without my best friends?

So, this has been an odd day. It has been one of those days when I look around and think, "Oh. My life is changing." I always try to enjoy each day as if it were my last and live to the fullest, but even when I live to the fullest in my present situation of life, it is still sad when I see that situation ending - especially since this situation has been a good one. In the last year of my life I have grown more, suffered more, loved more, and been loved more than any other time in my life. There is a change in the wind. The sails of my ship are billowing out - and I have no idea where they will take me.

My guilt monkey made me do it . . .

I feel like I haven't posted in forever . . . so I guess I will post . . .

I have come to find that ISF is the only place where I can blame any lack of productivity on my neurotic guilt monkey - only I actually get blamed for overproductivity. At my performance review last week Jackie actually told me that it would be ok if I were less productive - I'm allowed to relax and have fun at work. Wow. This has to be the craziest job ever! Where else would they tell me to be less productive and just enjoy being?

My current favorite things to do at work are:
drawing cartoons with an oddball sense of humor
talking to students/staff/pretty much anyone
driving the cart (fast)
going to ISF Prayer Night
chewing bubble gum
plotting my next practical joke

my favorite things to do after work are:
working out (Yeah baby!)
talking with Josh
eating Bachan left-overs
playing hyperactive loud music in my car
seeing my beautiful niece

One person who I absolutely adore is Brigid. She is so fun! She has the quirkiest sense of humor ever and comes up with the most rediculously fun games. I wish that I could have her over to my house sometime to play Dance Dance Revolution with me because I think that she would really enjoy stomping. She loves stomping!

Ah for the simple things in life! ::grin!::

My Current Favorite

Since I'm procrastinating on writing a paper that I only have 1 hour left to write (but it's only 3 pages, so I'll be fine) I must say that my favorite book right now is a short anthology of Britain's 100 Best Poets. There are few things that I currently find more pleasure in than reading good poetry out loud. Donne and Marvel are still my favorites - Shakespeare never really did it for me. I especially love "To His Coy Mistress" because it is just so funny! It is exactly the sort of argument that a guy would make! Apparently some things about men never change.

I just have to say

that after all these years I still love Dream Theater. They make great music.

Speaking of music, here's what I listened to today

while I did the dishes: Grammy Nominees 2005
while I baked cookies: Deanna Carter's "Everything's Gonna Be Alright"
while I cleaned the bathroom: Soundtrack to Dirty Dancing.

There is music for everything and a tune for every activity under Heaven.

Josh Got the JOB!!!

So FREAK'N AWESOME!!!! Josh got the photo job for that wedding that he was trying to get. YES!!!! I'm so excited! This is going to be so great for his portfolio and his shooting experience!!! Yay!!! Onward and upward!

Thoughts for the Evening

Ok. I just wrote a fairly cool post and deleted it on accident. Doh! This is what happens when you have a Mac at work and a PC at home - the keyboard commands change! I'm a hazard to myself . . . don't let me get me . . .

I had a good evening. I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and DID NOT HAVE ANY CHEESECAKE!!!! If you are ever going to create a mind meltingly yummy delicate dessert, please have the presence of mind to not name it something that sounds absolutely disgusting. I did, however, step out on a limb and eat things that I normally would not. I had a salad with mango (ew) and cashews (ick) that actually tasted good (ah). So I am maturing a little, but it may still take years before I brave cheesecake. (You may feel free to mock me for my cheesecake prejudice. I realize that it shows my immaturity to have such a dumb prejudice and I apologize. Hopefully someday I will grow up. Until then I will merit and accept your scorn.) However, let me just say that my experiment of having a ginger margarita did not pan out. The more that I drink the more that I am convinced that the only good alcohol is in a rich red wine or a dark luke-warm beer. Everything else seems like an insult. Ginger is good, alcohol is good, but when you mix them and pour corn syrup over them bad things happen.

Lately I have been emailing some of my old friends who I lost contact with over the years and it's an odd experience. For the most part I can see where they were a great help and blessing to me all those years ago, but now most of us are so different! I'm very thankful for the part that they played in my life . . . but man are we different people now! It really made me grateful for the awesome friends who are in my life now. You guys rock! Thank you for putting up with my odd sense of humor, my seemingly disconnected comments (I swear there is logic behind all of them, but as Monica said today, I am a non sequitur!), and all the rest of the stuff that can make it a burden to relate to me. I don't know what I would do without you, but it would probably involve a bomb and a white padded cell.

Speaking of which, I was thinking today about all the terrorism that America has started experiencing and I think that it would be cool if all of us developed an immunity to anthrax. It would be an American Braveheart mooning movement. Ha! Unfortunately we can't build up immunities to nuclear weapons and bullets, but wouldn't that be cool? At Jamba Juice you could order your smoothie with a shot of radiation immunity and a boost of anti-hijacking. Oh the world would be a pleasant place . . .

On a sadder note, Jackie is leaving work. Over the past 15 months I have really grown to love her and I'm going to miss her terribly. Given, she's only going out on maternity, so she'll be back, but work will be a sadder (quieter) place without her. She is the kind of person who actually listens when you speak and doesn't try and squeeze you into a box. She also is honest with me when I do something wrong and I love that! More people should give honest feed back in the world!

So, as this post is greatly about appreciating good friends, here's to all those great people out there who tell me when I have snot on my nose, am talking too loudly, and that I'm full of it and need to get over myself. I love you guys! Cheers!

Jeff taught me how to post pictures!

This is from our summer vacation. We were hiking close to Mammoth. Yay!


I miss it terribly, although being able to breath again is a nice perk to not being in the mountains. I think that I would prefer to be airless.















Here is beautiful Mono Lake. Although I did not take these pictures (obviously!) I take some credit for them. I was carrying the tripod and the extra camera bodies for Josh.


I love it when the sky hits those few moments when everything is golden! It's my favorite time of day!












A very cool part of one of our hikes. There were all these great trees with this really wide shallow stream running through them and a neat bridge made of boards running over it all. This would obviously be a picture of the stream.












Here is Mono Lake at sunset again.










Here is the latest pic from my last shoot with Josh. He was experimenting with back lighting. In the picture I am either going to bite someone or sneeze - I can't decide which.



Well, that's all for now. I'll try and have some pictures for you after our Hume Lake trip.

Josh and I

My Life.

Dark Night of the Soul

. . . in modern popular music . . .
While I was in the shower this morning I was listening to music (yay!) and decided that St. John of the Cross's (and St. John of ISF's) Dark Night of the Soul can be described really well in modern popular music of the non-Christian variety. So here is my attempt at a musical explanation of it in order from beginning to end of the process:

1. "Perfect" by Alanis Morissette
2. "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly
3. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2
4. "Imaginary" by Evanescence
5. "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence
6. "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban

I know that I sort of cheated by using Evanescence twice, but I think that those two songs really embody that stage of development.

entitled

My email is down right now. My first thought? "How dare they!" My second thought, "Gosh, that's not a good attitude!" My third thought? "But I really wanted to check my email and write people back!"

My next reaction? "Golly, this repetitive type of writing really sucks and it shows nothing to prove that I've had a good education and know how to write." Sorry folks, I get stuck in a rut every once in a while. ::grin!::

So since I can't email any of you, and it's too late to call you, I guess that I will tell you about my evening.

I worked out tonight and maintained 80 rpm on the elliptical for over 10 minutes (at then end of a 30 minute cycle) and felt really proud of myself. As I lifted weights I realized that my upper body is finally (after 4 months) starting to be able to lift more. Cool! Then I enjoyed the pure bliss of a hot tub with my honey and my buddy Jeff. Although it was somewhat lacking in stimulating conversation (we were all pretty tired) it was still enjoyable to sit in such fine company.

Oh, and I just have to say that Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" really sucks. Ok, it has one funny song in it, but that's pretty much it. If I hadn't been eating good tomatoes with basil and mozzarella cheese while I watched it, then I would have called it a waste of time. After that Deb came home from her Bible study and we hung out some more.

Walking back to the car was amazingly awesome because there was a light fog and everything glowed because of the way the light hit the water-laden air. It was really beautiful and sort of dreamy and for some strange reason my walking sounded enormously loud. I think that there is so much noise in my life that I normally can't hear myself walk, so to be walking around Fullerton at 11:30 is a nice break.

Speaking of walking, I have to say that some of the best walking ever happens after midnight. Some of my favorite walks around La Mirada and Fullerton are in the dead of night when it's cool and there's actually moisture in the air. No one else is out and for a while I can pretend that I don't live in the middle of an insanely crowded earth, but I imagine that the trees that loom in the darkness are my normal walking companions instead of the busy strangers that roar past me during the day time. I honestly don't have anything against the rest of humanity, I'm sure that all the other humans around here would much rather exist in a more subdued location too, but there is a richness and luxury in being the sole occupant of a dark midnight-blue street with whispering shadows, streaks of moonlight, and the damp smells of vegetation.

Some people have nightmares about being trapped on a deserted island, but really, would it be so bad? Even if you died there, at least it would be peaceful.

my last for tonight - I swear!

I know, I know, I should go to bed. There's work to do tomorrow (and class . . . maybe) I just have to say that this week has been great! I had an awesome time hanging out with Kathleen and John last night, I had a great time tonight with Rob and Dee, I'm looking forward to seeing Jeff and Deb tomorrow, and Tuesday I got to go shopping with Jess and Brie and my awesome little bro came and saw me at work too! I feel like I can take over everything at work and not die (Jackie, my boss, is leaving for maternity on Monday and I'm doing her job and my job . . . which means I get to handle lots of money. Whee! Seriously though, pray for me!)Umm, what else? . . .? Oh! And (curse Borders!) I bought a book on The Woman Triathlete and I think that I will have to do it. I am so excited! Now if I just knew how to swim better . . . ::grin!:: Anyways, back to my reading and I will try to stop posting when I really ought to be finishing up this homework . . . it's just that posting to you so much more interesting! ::sigh:: sorry, I get silly after midnight!

ooh! and one more thing then I'll really go - I'm going up to Hume Lake next weekend for a marriage retreat (please snow! please please please!) and then to Las Vegas the weekend after that with Grace and Josh. I wonder if they have a UFC fight that weekend? That would rock!!!

So, which would you rather be on,
a. UFC
b. America's next top model
c. American Idol
d. Fear Factor

Just wondering. Love ya'll and good night!

patience

When I was a kid my mom used to sing this song to me
"Have patience. Have patience. Don't be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you'll only start to worry. Remember, remember that God is patient too and think of all the times when others have to wait for you!"

Well, I used to be a very impatient person my freshman year of college! So I asked God to give my patience, and he gave me Josh. Oh the irony! (but a good irony!)

So lately I have thought that I have become a very patient person. Ha! You know how Jonah had a plant? God gave me a plant too. I have this plant that I put on my desk. It is an ivy plant, grown from my mother's wedding bouquet, put into mine, and grown from that. Ivy represents faithfulness. So I have this plant that I love on my desk at work. I have had it at work for about 1 1/2 weeks. It is growing a leaf and it is the SLOWEST DANG LEAF ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!! ARgh! Oh the frustration of it all! Has anyone ever been so truly frustrated as I have??? (probably)

I came to the awful realization - i'm not patient. I'm just busy and don't pay attention to things. So I won't notice when things take a long time to happen because I run around all over the place. When my ivy plant was at home I would look one day, glance the next, and POOF! the plant had grown huge! But oh! Give me something that I see every day and it drives me bonkers! I am so eager to see this beautiful little leaf become a normal sized leaf that I look at the stupid thing every day!

So yes. I'm not yet patient. Just busy and unattentive. Now, am I brave enough to try and grow patience? hmm . . . does it take longer than an ivy leaf?

of my love josh

Hey all, this is a poem that I wrote on March 30, 2004. It's about how I approach relationship with Josh, and it has become a sort of theme for my marriage.

You, my love, are like the sand
elusive, shining in my hand
made up of tiny million parts
each one connected to your heart
I'd grab you tight to hold you near -
and you'd slip out, alone, austere
But when I gently let you lay
You come and go, as if in play
And when I hold you looser yet
It's then that more of you I get.
So I inviting then shall be,
attracting for eternity.
I'll warmly welcome when you come
And let you leave when you must run.
I'll honor, cherish, your presence, dear,
I will enjoy when you are near.
And so, perhaps, you'll want to stay
and linger by my side to lay
Your beauty, and your grains of sand
to rest a life-time in my hand.

my Joshua-husband is an awesome man. he is so different from me! but so wonderful still. apart from some great times with God, being with him makes me the happiest I have ever been. I am so blessed to have him and get to hang out with him!

the one thing though . . . i am having to learn patience. more on that in the next post.

blue nights

do you ever stop and think about where you are in life? and what you are achieving? Have you really gotten that far? Are your accomplishments that great? does it really matter anyways? Is what you're doing really that wonderful?

i can lie awake at night and think forever. but am i really going anywhere? have i made great leaps in life? is the world different because of me? have i grown and matured? or is life just the same as ever?

i seriously want to do something that is worth doing. i want to have great things happen to me and be involved in wonders. am i going there? will my life be amazing?

although there is nothing better, at times, then to lie next to josh, hear his breathing, and be content by his side . . . will we go places? will anything great ever become of us? will he finally be satisfied in the beauty that he captures with his lense? will he be a strong man?

there are some people who seem to go and achieve greatness, and i think that i am not one of them. i feel doomed to normality and then feel guilty for feeling doomed. i am bright, i am intelligent, i am loved - does anything else really matter? and if so, what?

what if i can never be good enough? what if i will never measure up? what if, at the end of my life, i am one of those people who has stayed in the same place forever and never has done anything spectacular? or is simply living and being faithful spectacular enough?

i measure my life in coffee spoons . . .
the clock of life strikes out my doom
i hope the end is coming soon
either that, or maybe i'll bloom

Ding-dong!

So I got witnessed to today by Jehovah's Witnesses . . . in Spanish! Ha! I was somewhere between hilarity and dead seriousness. They didn't hang around very long - just long enough to introduce themselves and give me some pamphlets. I'm hoping that they'll come back so that I can witness to them . . . in Spanish. It was almost laughable! If the state of their souls wasn't so serious I would die laughing about the irony of it all! They were so happy too - "Oh, we almost didn't come here because they said that you were American, but you speak Spanish!" Oh yeah I speak Spanish baby! Come to me and hear the TRUTH of the gospel of Jesus Christ! We'll see who gets converted at the end of this! I LOVE it when they come to me instead of me having to try and find them to witness to. It saves the leg work, ya know? The Devil really ain't that smart. That's right you demons out there - you send your worshipers over to me and I'll convert them to the Truth of Jesus Christ because Jesus is GOD and he is stronger than all you measly spirits!

Sorry, I get a kick out of witnessing to people and thwarting the Devil. I love being on the winning side! Priase God!

more on Baptism

Hey all, yes, I am still thinking a lot these days about baptism. (I'm considering more and more on prayer as well, but I'll get to that some other time.) As I researched baptism I was surprised to find out that there is a lot more to it - that is to say, some people subscribe a lot more to it and make it a lot more complicated than I thought that it was. For example, I always considered that baptism was the following:
1. a symbol of dying and being resurrected with Christ
2. a symbol of being washed clean (covered with the blood of Christ and having sins washed away)
3. a public proclamation of faith in the Triune God
and my questions were more about #4
4. In Matthew 3:11 - 12 (this is John the Baptist speaking, in the passage before he baptises Jesus) "I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn nad burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire."
So my #4 point/question is more this: when we are Baptized as Christians in line with Jesus' commandment in Matthew 28:19 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the son and of the Holy Sprit . . . " does that mean that that physical baptism is also the Spiritual Baptism of the Holy Spirit that was talked about in Matthew 3:11 by John the Baptist? Or is the Baptism of the Holy Spirit something else completely?
5. And I have this vague idea that being baptised changes my relationship towards God - making it firmer and closer somehow. Although, by obeying Jesus' command to get baptised, I suppose the simple act of obedience tightens my relationship with him and may have nothing to do with the physical act of baptism. I do not think that baptism secures my salvation - because it's not magic or anything - but maybe it matures me or grows me (like getting an essential vitamin would help the body be stronger).

In my studies on Baptism I also found that there has been a lot of discussion about whether sprinkling or dunking, or dunking in a particular way makes a difference. I personally like dunking, because it makes the symbolism of #1 more poignant, but I'm not going to say that if you were merely sprinkled that you are not baptised. I still feel like only Christians should be baptised, and that means excluding infants . . . but as I haven't gathered enough evidence or put enough good thought into this I am not going to make that claim.

Well . . . I'll keep thinking. Thanks Grandma for your email and your help on this - I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

On a different topic I went to eat my avocado today during my lunch time and realized that I had no salt. So I sprinkled a liberal amount of crushed red pepper on my avocado instead. Avocado flavor is insanely different without the salt! Much more mild and earthy. Wow. I just thought I'd mention it because two things came to my mind when that happened (1) the verse about "if salt loses it's saltiness" came to mind and I thought about how salt can't loose saltiness if it isn't there to begin with and (2) I had this wild notion of putting salt on everything that I normally don't put salt on and not putting salt on everything that I normally salt - what would the difference taste like? Probably it wouldn't be as bad as my raw garlic experiment, but I wonder.

I've been reading Lamentations yesterday and today and it really struck me about how my mind tends to resonate with the prophetic literature of the Old Testament - I think how they think. Also I was really really stopped in my tracks in reading Lamentations 3:25 - 28 "The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him." After reading that I was struck by how we are supposed to just sit and wait for the Lord to show up. So I sat in silence for a while and thought about that and waited for God to show up. It felt really good. Very peaceful. I like waiting for God. I wish that I had more time to do that - just sit in silence and wait for God. He doesn't have to show up, but sitting there and letting him know that I'm listening if he wants to tell me something seems really good - like telling friends that they can call you anytime and you are there for them. There is really something to waiting for God in silence and allowing him to do what he chooses with the time and that any way that he chooses to do it is fine. It was just a profoundly different sort of experience for me and I wanted to share it with you. Americans don't often sit in silence waiting for someone who may or may not show up - but it really ought to be like that - at his convenience, not mine.

Well, lunch is over, I'll explore more of reality, life, and the world with you later.

Dream

That's right boys and girls! It's time for Laurel's odd dreams again! This dream features a lot of animals, a lake, a meadow, and a purple dragon!I have no idea what on earth this dream is about either, so if you want to guess then be my guest!

So in my dream there was a beautiful house surrounded by a meadow with a lake in the back that had huge, beautiful snow-speckled volcanic rock rising out of it forming an island. Behind the island there were big beautiful mountains. The place was very isolated and beautiful. The house was not mine, but I was responsible for protecting the people in it. I left the house by the front door and walked up over to the meadow. I passed over a short (as in 2 feet maybe) stone wall to get to the bigger meadow. Then on the hill next to the meadow I saw a helicopter drop off a mesh cage that had three parts in it. One part had a cowboy, one part an eagle flying with water underneath it, and in the other part a huge grizzly bear. As the helicoptor dropped the cage the sides of the cage flew open. The cowboy walked away, the eagle flew off, and the grizzly bear started walking toward me/the house.

I ran over the stone wall and to the back of the house and went inside, shutting and locking the door behind me. The grizzly bear pursued and managed to get its nose between the door and the door frame. I beat hard on it's nose, but it managed to get into the house. The house had a family in it that I was protecting. So I got a weapon, it was a sort of handle with about 5 swords coming out of it. I repeatedly stabbed the bear in the stomach. (and in my dreams grizzly bears have belly buttons. huh.) There was no blood because the fur was too thick, but I knew that I wounded it. Then the bear was defeated and it turned into a purple dragon (Chinese style dragon, but purple, not red) and I showed it out the front door. It knew that it could no longer harm or ever threaten me or the people that I was protecting because I had defeated it and had power over it. It wandered away up the meadow by the stone wall. As it walked along the stone wall the velvety soft (like a caterpillar's) purple skin shed in some places to reveal a light blue underneath. It was truly beautiful and the dragon was very sad. There were some people who had parachuted onto the volcanic rock/island in the lake behind the house that I was caretaker of, and the dragon went and swam through the water to attack those people. The father of the house that I had defended was on the island too, but he was safe because I had marked him against the dragon. In my dream I didn't care about the other people on the island who were being attacked because they were not my responsibility. I went and relaxed and the dream ended.

So I have no idea what that was about. It was fairly satisfying to dream, but once I woke up I was unsatisfied because I didn't know what the dream meant. How are your dreams going?

Laurel-isms

For those of you who don't know me that well, I must introduce you to this new concept that expresses a "special" part of my personality and has been dubbed by my friends, "laurelisms." This part of my personality buds from my high belief that one is never too grown up to climb trees or do otherwise child-like things. Basically, never stop looking at the world with wonder and exploring it.

I had the best sorts of laurelisms this week, and I felt like sharing them with you. This week I have learned why people do not eat raw garlic, why you are not supposed to lick batteries, what happens when you freeze marshmallows, that head-banging still hurts the morning after, that if I do my laundry every week there is a lot less of it to do, that I can still read a 500 page novel in an afternoon, salt makes my finger tips wrinkled, chewing a whole pack of gum in one sitting makes me dizzy, and that politicians who have a set schpiel don't like being interrupted (and that when their schpiel is about poor minorities, and you live in the poor minority section of town, they are very surprised when you open your door and they find an upper middle class white woman with a college education. It's almost as fun as when the Mormons or JW's come a'knocking!)

Other things that mark me distinctly as Laurel that I did this week:

I hung out with a famous ska band for 1/2 an hour and it never occured to me to take a picture or ask for signatures (because, duh, they're just normal people who are cool to talk to like everyone else. Oh! but, my pierced belly button finally made me cool Deb! I'll have to tell you about it!)

I got a random offer to go to Spain for 2 and 1/2 months this summer and work in a youth camp(but I won't cause of Josh)(I get the most random opportunities sometimes!)

My nerdy habit of fast reading and great short-term memory paid off in that my on-line traffic school only took me 3 hours to complete and pass instead of the 8 hours that it was supposed to.

I have written this post with great enjoyment and it has given me a few more minutes of stalling before I go back to cleaning my office. Yes, as an adult I still carry the unsupported belief that if I stall long enough somehow my chores will get done by someone else. If you can't hold a rediculous hope like that after 23 years of being steadily disappointed then you are most certainly not Laurel either.

So good night all you non-Laurels. May your days be full of fun and special events that help to define who you are as well!

My sister knows me

I just had to post this - my sister emailed it to me and it expresses exactly what I meant.

"Two things I asked of You,
Do not refuse me before I die:
Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion,
That I not be full and deny You and say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or that I not be in want and steal,
And profane the name of my God."
-Proverbs 30:7-9

Well, that's done with

Well, that's done with. My life is getting empty and to be honest I am starting to feel peaceful inside once more. To the breaking of my heart, I lost dance class - the school changed the schedule so that I can't go any more. I just quit being the youth minister at my church - I had to, I haven't been able to sleep for five nights because of it and when I did sleep my dreams were bad. I have so much turmoil inside right now - such a bad case of insomnia! And I can't wait to be rid of it. All I want is peace, quiet, and a simple life.

As the song says,

'tis a gift to be simple
'tis a gift to be free
'tis a gift to come 'round
where we ought to be
and when we find ourselves
in the place just right
it will be in the valley
of love and delight
when true simplicity is gained
to bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed
to turn, to turn will be our delight
'til in turning, turning we come round right.

I only need a very few things in this life. And if God will grant me just the few necessities - I only need my daily bread, my debts forgiven, and deliverance from evil - then I shall be more thankful for the little that I have than if I were given ten times as much. For what the Lord has blessed me with, may He make me truly thankful. Amen.

Old Theology Penance

Well loves, I've had a day of it, I must say. I am the most horrid person! I absolutely slept the most beautiful sleep, only to waken at 11:30 this morning and find that I had missed going to church. Out of a misguided sense of penance I did my theology homework and read Ignatius' Epistle to the Romans and his epistle to Polycarp, Justin Martyr's "First Apology," and Tertullian "Against Praxeas." I have to say that by far my favorite was Justin Martyr. Ignatius seem a trifle mentally unstable - longing for death so much and all - but I guess that being held captive by violent Roman soldiers might make one long for death. He was either brave, insane, or quiet fed up on this world and rearing to march onto the next.

Tertullian was smart, but his arguments were laid out like one talking patiently to a very stupid child. (Although I suppose that heretics like Praxeas and those who bought into his schemes were like very stupid children). He made everything so pathetically simple and repeated himself to an infinitesimal point of clarity over and over and over for forty pages.

Justin Martyr is my hero for this week. I love the man! Have you ever read something and felt that the author spoke exactly the way that you wish you could about some of the things that are most dear to your heart? Well, Justin is my man! Too bad that he lived back in 116 A.D. because I would have loved to learn from him. It also tickled me pink to get such a glimpse of life back then!

These days us mere higher educated mortals spend all this time in a stuffy classrooms arguing the ins and outs of Plato (thinking ourselves very important and bright) - pontificating on what Plato meant, and how all those confusing appearances of gods and goddesses played into it all and how the Stoics were reacting against temple prostitution, lude parties and whatnot, and along comes Justin in his Philosopher's Robes, searching for truth, converts to this undermanned religion called "The Way" aka "Christianity" and goes about showing how Christ is the fulfillment of true Philosophy and then has the nerve to go writing letters about it to the Roman Emperor, quoting Marcus Aurelius to make his point!!! AH! I've fallen in LOVE!!!! I absolutely adore people who have the stuff to stand up for what they know is Truth and then have the guts to present it in sensible ways to people who, if won over can change history, and if not won over will most certainly kill them. Of all the marvelous beauty!!!!

So, my merry friends, my penance of sleeping in was no penance at all, but a joy of discovery. Lift a glass of hardy stout with me and rejoice in the competence of well-shaped minds, sturdy characters, and annoyingly brilliant people who don't know when to shut up! Hooray for that persistent suave little bugger who knows that he is right and won't be silenced!!!